


In Fear and Faith

by OnEaglesWings



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Cape May-New Jersey, Characters May Change, Dean-Centric, Destiel - Freeform, Drug Abuse, Eventual Happy Ending, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Human Castiel, Lots of Angst, Lots of Sex, M/M, Mentions of alcohol, NOT A ONE SHOT, Partner Betrayal, Protective Dean Winchester, Sex, Sex Abuse, Slow Build, Slut Castiel, Subject to be changed a lot, Summer Romance, Summer Vacation, Tags May Change, Teenage Castiel/Teenage Dean Winchester, Trigger Warnings, Underage Drinking, long fic, some hurt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-10
Updated: 2015-09-24
Packaged: 2018-04-14 01:56:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 17,711
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4545804
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OnEaglesWings/pseuds/OnEaglesWings
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean Winchester has never chased anything in his entire life. Whether its girls, football, school, or any other obstacle, he's always been the one with the confident smirk and the pretty green eyes. He's scored team captain, he has the rest of his life to waste, why would he ask for anything more? When he is forced to spend the summer before his senior year working at a diner in beach town Cape May he meets Castiel Novak, the illuminated introvert, and his whole life begins to change. Summer romance...what a cliche. But, maybe, Dean learns, some things are worth fighting for.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is not a one-shot, it will be a very long and in depth fic. Please leave comments/kudos if you enjoy. Thanks for reading!

Dean knew something was wrong before John Winchester even told him. It was in the way he acted around the boys as school drew to a close. He picked them up from school with a smile, didn’t growl when one of them forgot to call him ‘sir’ at the dinner table, and once after Dean came home drunk from another bonfire with the football team, John even poured him a glass of water and sent him to bed.

The news came on a Thursday evening, two weeks before the end of school. The two Winchester boys and their father were sat around the crowded kitchen table laden with Chinese takeout and soda cans when John told them what had been on his mind.

He turned to his older son, Dean, and sized him up. Dean was broad shouldered and muscular, his pale skin dotted with freckles His beautiful green eyes and pouty lips bought girls to him left and right and he was happy to oblige. He was the captain of his high school’s football team going into his senior year and had decently good grades, enough to get by. 

Sam was the younger one. He was skinny and growing tall faster than Dean could keep up. Even though Sam was just going into his freshman year, he stood at the same height as Dean, his long brown hair making him look even older than he was. Sam was smart, too smart for his own good, and favored books and studying over Dean’s athleticism.

John sighed. “Boys, I got a job in Maine, it pays three times what I’m getting now and I’ll have a place to stay during it.” Dean felt his breath catch in his throat. After their mom died their father had moved them around from place to place, switching schools half way through the year, sometimes they would stay for a few days sometimes a few months but when Sammy started sixth grade and Dean was a freshman, he had put his foot down. No more moving. His father agreed and took a job in Lawrence, Kansas, finding them a shitty little house and settling in.

“It’s only a fourth month gig, it’ll end late September and everything will return back to normal but-“

“I’m not going to fuckin’ Maine, Dad.” Dean seethed but when John glared at him he shut his mouth, forming a thin white line. John continued.

“But you boys can’t come with me. It’s a seventeen plus hour shift and I won’t have time to look after you. So…I’ve made arrangements for the both of you. Sam you can stay here at Randy’s house, his parents have agreed to take care of you and you can pick his dad’s brain about being a lawyer.”

Sam’s face actually broke out into a smile. “That sounds awesome, sir, really!” He turned to Dean. “They have the whole Lord of the Rings set in HD and a flatscreen!” Dean forced a smile back at his younger brother. He almost knew what was coming next.  
“That leaves me with you, Dean.”

Dean cut in. “You can leave me here. I have to be in Kansas for football pre-season and if I miss out on Lisa Braden’s pool party she will kill me. You don’t need to worry there’s-“

John slammed his hand onto the table, making the soda cans rattle. “Damnit boy, you take me for a fool? You need a job, need work and money so you don’t spend your whole fuckin’ summer being lazy.” He glared right into Dean’s green eyes. “You’ll be moving into Bobby and Ellen’s guesthouse in Cape May and working at their restaurant all summer. They’ll pay you good and Jo will be there to keep you in line.”

Bobby and Ellen were John’s best friends, and their daughter Jo was pretty cool. She was a year younger than Dean, blonde, smart and sassy with a tongue that could cut. Dean liked her, yes, and really he wouldn’t mind spending the summer at the beach but he had football to worry about and John had to understand that.

“You can’t just ship me away to bumble-fuck nowhere and make me miss training and the beginning of my senior year! It’s not fair! I’ll move in with Victor, he has a spare bedroom! Dad, please, don’t make me leave Kansas for some beach in New Jersey!”

John stood slowly, wiping his hand over his mouth. “You leave at the end of the week, Dean, so you might want to start packing. And clean this shit up.” He gestured to the table. “I fucking hate Chinese.”

****

“This sucks.” Victor declared as he lay on Dean’s bed, tossing a football in the air repeatedly. Lisa glanced over at him from where she was perched on Dean’s swivel chair and nodded in agreement. Dean was on the floor, surrounded by his three suitcases, packing his whole life away.

“I’m making good money I guess…although it’s pretty much bussing tables for old rich white people.” Dean glowered at the T-shirt in his hands. “I mean Jo will be there…I called her yesterday. There are five waitresses including myself and her.”

“Who else is there?” Lisa asked, folding a shirt on his bureau and handing it to him. Dean liked Lisa a lot, he had been trying to get with her all year but there was something so irretrievably good about her that stood in the way.

“Uh…two brothers, or cousins, that go to Jo’s school, one of them are my age the other is Jo’s, a year younger. And some girl that lives down there all year. Her name’s Meg.”

“Maybe you’ll fall in love with her.” Victor offered half heartedly from the bed. Lisa stiffened and turned to rummage through her purse. Dean laughed.

“I doubt it. From what Jo says she’s kind of a bitch.”

Lisa looked up from her bag, relieved. She handed him a balled up pair of socks which he tossed to the side. “Jo goes to West Catholic, right?” She giggled. “The Mighty Angels?”

Dean groaned. “Yeah, that mascot is going to be the death of me. Actually, she said the older one plays football on their team. We’ve probably gone head-to-head and I don’t even know his name.”

West Catholic was a school just outside Lawrence, very conservative and expensive. Their mascot was a boy wrapped in a sheet, shirtless with angel wings, a crown and a sword. They called themselves the Mighty Angels. Dean just thought they were freaks. That school was nearly the laughing stock at Lawrence High, despite the fact they were evenly matched for football.

“Maybe they will lend you some money, fly you to Amsterdam on their private jet. Weed’s legal over there, you know.” Victor grinned. Dean rolled his eyes, zipping his suitcase shut with a sigh.

“I think I’m going to need something a little stronger than pot to get me through this summer.”

****

Saying goodbye to Sammy was the hardest part of leaving for Dean. He swallowed hard and hugged his little brother tight around the shoulders.

“I’m gonna miss you, kiddo. Don’t get into fucked up shit without me, okay? And if Randy gives you any bullshit about your hair just punch him in the gut…” Dean looked at his little brother, almost even with himself. “You’re gonna be alright, right Sam? I’m only a phone call or very long car ride away.”

Sam grinned and put his hand on Dean’s shoulder. “I’m going to be just fine. Now go, before Dad changes his mind about giving you the Impala.” 

Dean nodded; his eyes downcast. “Okay…I’ll see you in four months, brother.”

“I’ll see you then.”

****

It was a 1,116 mile drive, all alone on a bright Monday morning. Dean rolled the windows down, blasted Metallica and seriously considered just driving to the nearest hotel and wasting his summer away holed up in some seedy hostel with a pretty blonde waitress down the street. But the sixteen hour drive was much less daunting and the summer ahead of him wasn’t quite so foreboding as the dull grey of Kansas melted away into city and suburb and finally…the quaint little beach town of Cape May came into view.

The streets were small and lined with trees that looked older than time itself. The brick paved sidewalks were bumpy and pushed up from the tree roots, causing the people to walk slowly, breathing in the warm salty air.

The houses were all old, decked out with shutters and porches, painted candy-apple green or rose-y pink, different shades of fluorescent that made Dean’s heart go warm. The promenade before the beach was decked out with cute little shops, some boutiques and restaurants flaunting fresh fish and different types of fruit. There was a candy store and an ice cream parlor directly next to the arcade and Dean saw small children running and giggling with sticky hands full of silver quarters. 

The beach had white sand that pulsed with the mid day heat, dotted with multicolored umbrellas and grey rocks that led up and out into the bluish green water that beat against the shore time and time again. Dean took a few minutes to peer down the beach, pressing his hand into the warm sand and smiling at the pretty lifeguard on duty. She grinned back but didn’t leave her post on top of the white high rise bench. 

Dean returned to the Impala and after a few minutes he passed the diner where he would be spending his summer. It was on the beach with windows facing the water. The whole building was made out of sandal wood and white washed stone. The simple blue sign above the door read “THE ROADHOUSE” in off-white color. The front of it faced away from the beach, out onto the promenade where people strolled passed it easily. Dean breathed deeply, smelling the normal diner smells but also beach and sunscreen, maybe even apples or cinnamon. 

Across the street from the diner was the house that Dean would be living in. Really, it was two houses. There was one larger one with two floors connected by an outside white staircase and a smaller one in the backyard; a one room cottage with a small patio. The whole thing was painted a lighter navy blue with white shutters and laundry hung out on a clothes line. Dean pulled his massive black car besides it and sat for a few minutes. 

He looked up at the house and thought about how suddenly his life had changed, pulling a complete three sixty and pushing him on his ass. Just yesterday he had been in Kansas, in his small room, completely satisfied to spend his summer chasing after Lisa and playing football with Victor but now everything was different and Dean’s head started to spin so fast he gripped the door handle for support. 

After he got out of the car he stood awkwardly, wondering whether he should knock on the door or ring the bell. Before he could make up his mind, a blonde ball of energy catapulted from the porch and raced towards him.

“DEAN WINCHESTER as I live and breath!” Jo shouted, throwing her arms around him as he swung her up in the air. He had missed Jo. Despite her being a year younger than him, he had always found her very attractive. She had wavy blonde hair and almond shaped eyes, her skin tanned from being at the beach so long. Her legs had grown longer and her breast had exceeded their old cup size, now sitting perky and pretty in a grey v necked shirt and white shorts with black buttons. She beamed at him as he took her new appearance in.

“You look amazing, Jo, really.” Dean went back in and hugged her a second time, breathing in the salty smell of her hair that he was so used to. Years ago, back when Dean was only a freshman, he had lost his virginity to her in the basement of his parent’s old house. It had been a lot more fumbling and laughing than actual sex but afterwards they agreed to never speak of it again and moved on with their lives. Dean always caught her blushing when she saw the couch in their new living room.

Bobby and Ellen shut the screen door behind them as they made their way over to the car. They were an older couple, Bobby had a wife before Ellen but she had died before Dean was born and for as long as he could remember the pair had been happy. 

Bobby was an older man with gray hair and a scruffy beard. He always wore a faded blue baseball cap and Levi jeans with holes in the knee. He had a kind smile and a good heart but he was big on tough love. When John had gone off the deep end, Bobby was there to pull him up. Ellen was pretty and weathered, her brown hair tied back and her face make up less. Her dark green sundress complemented her tan skin and Dean wrapped her up in his arms next.

“It’s good to see you, boy.” Bobby said, hugging Dean and grabbing his bags from the trunk. “How’s your pops doing?”

Dean shrugged, taking two of the suitcases from the back seat. “He’s in Maine, doing God-knows-what. But I guess he’s happy so fuck it, I’m just glad to be away for a bit.” He grinned and Ellen shook her head.

“By the end of the summer, boy, I swear we are gonna clean that mouth out with soap.” She grinned at him good-naturedly. “How about a tour? We can do your little abode first.” Dean followed the three willingly as they made their way across the little lawn to the small house.

Ellen opened the white door and ushered them all inside. Dean grinned around him at the cuteness of the guest house. It was small but almost perfect. It almost reminded him of the motel rooms they used to bunk in but much, much nicer. To the left of the front door was a small bathroom with a standing shower and a full length mirror. To the right was a closet, small in size but stacked with different shelves. Walking straight in, Dean surveyed the mint green couch and matching chair that sank low to the floor, looking unbelievably inviting. Opposite the chairs and the small white coffee table was a television perched on a white bookcase full of novels and different books.

Past that was the bed, shoved into the far corner with a peach and white striped comforter and six different pillows, all different colors. At the bottom of the bed was a chest and a few feet from that the fluffy white carpet changed to hard wood flooring. There was a table with two chairs shoved next to the wall and a mini kitchen with a fridge, sink, microwave and dishwasher. The whole house was decorated with seashells and starfish, all the colors were greens and blues and peach, the whole house seemed to exude the beach. Dean loved it already.

“I hope it’s not too girly, Dean, you’re welcome to take Jo’s room but she might put up a screamin’ fit and turn us all deaf.” Bobby laughed.

Dean shook his head. “It’s perfect, really. Can I see the other house?” They nodded and he followed them out to the steps leading up to the back of the house. He paused to peer up the white staircase leading to the second floor.

“What’s up there?” Jo turned, following his eyes with a smile.

“Oh, that’s the other floor. See this is like a double house, there’s a kitchen and living room and bedrooms on both floors so that another family can live up there. We rent that one out during the year.”

“Who’s up there now?” Dean asked, looking at his blonde friend. She grinned. 

“Gabe and Castiel.”

“Who?”

She smiled and beckoned him into the downstairs kitchen. “They are both out right now, grabbing sandwiches or something. I’m sure they’ll be back in time for bed, Gabe likes to watch Doctor Sexy on our big TV.” 

Dean followed her into the small yellow kitchen, bigger than the one in his home with a small table and four barstool seats. Out the kitchen door there was a spacious living room with the front door leading out to the porch. It had the same green couches with a glass coffee table and a big TV. The walls had different paintings on them, all beautifully detailed drawings of people.

“Yeah, okay, but who are they?”

“My friends from West Catholic, the Novak brothers. They are the youngest of the family, Gabe’s the older one he’s your age. Plays football, does drugs, fucks women, the whole nine yards. He’s kind of a loose canon but in the best way possible. The younger one is Castiel. He’s, like, the most handsome guy you’ll ever meet but he is blissfully naïve of it. It’s pretty annoying.”

“Is he hotter than me?” Dean smirked at her. She didn’t blush; instead she rolled her eyes and laughed.

“Dean, he’s like if Leo and Brad Pitt poured out all their beauty into a pot and it turned into a baby. He’s gorgeous. And talented. He drew these.” She gestured to the wall. At a closer inspection, Dean realized that the framed drawings weren’t just random people, they were Jo and Ellen and Bobby and some faces Dean didn’t recognize.

“Wow…who are they?” He pointed to a pair of teenagers on the beach, drawn laughing and tossing a beach ball between each other. 

“Meg and Gabriel. The four of us were waitresses together last summer. But now we have our fifth musketeer.” She elbowed Dean in the side and he smiled.

“You know there were only three musketeers right? I mean that’s kind of the whole point.”

She shrugged, sitting down on the couch. “I know, but last summer Gabriel read the book and got obsessed so he started calling us the four musketeers.” She smiled. “Every time we took a shot we would do that stupid chant.” Dean raised his eyebrows at her and she laughed. “You know…ALL FOR ONE!”

“AND ONE FOR ALL!” Someone shouted behind him and Dean ducked, sucking in a breath at the sudden loud noise. Jo burst out laughing, her face turning red. 

“J-Jesus, Gabe, you nearly killed him!” Jo wiped her eyes and got up to stand between the two older boys.

“Dean, this is Gabriel Novak. Gabe…Dean Winchester. He’s going to be working with us this summer.”

Gabe stuck out his hand and smirked at Dean. He was a full head shorter than the other boy, his skin tanned and hair caramel colored. His eyes were brown flecked with gold that turned them almost whisky colored. His lips pulled back to reveal shiny white teeth. Dean liked him already. He grasped his hand firmly.

“Nice to meet you, man.” 

Gabe grinned. “You too. Wanna get drunk?”

“Gabriel!” Ellen scolded as she walked into the living room from the main bedroom. She had a laundry basket full of clothes on her hip but she still managed to look menacing. “You better be kidding. You’re only eighteen!”

Gabe smiled. “Of course, ma’am. I would NEVER want to corrupt this fine gentleman right here.” He winked at Dean who chuckled without opening his mouth.

Ellen glared at him. “Where’s Castiel? I need to do his laundry today or the paint wont come off of his new shirt.” Gabe shrugged.

“I think he’s upstairs, finishing eating or something. I didn’t ask.”

“You boys…I swear, you’ll be the death of me. Oh, there he is. Castiel, I need your-“ 

Dean didn’t hear the end of her sentence.

Castiel Novak stood in the doorway, his hand still holding on to the kitchen counter. His eyes weren’t on Ellen as she questioned him about his laundry, they were searching Dean’s face, confused and guarded. Castiel was unlike anybody Dean had ever seen. It wasn’t just that his eyes were big and pretty, full of a striking blue color that carried Dean’s thoughts to the ocean and snow at the same time. It was that they were lit up, sparkling with presence, a breathtaking shade that Dean had never seen before. 

His perfect lips were pulled back over white teeth, straight and symmetrical like a military cemetery. His jaw was taught and cut, clenching and unclenching as his teeth moved. His skin was tanned and pulled tight over muscles just a little less defined than Dean’s, but when he moved his slender hand up through his raven black hair they strained against the confines of his tight grey shirt. Dean swallowed hard, looking at the strong legs that stuck out of Castiel’s board shorts. Even his feet where perfect.

Dean blinked a few times. He wasn’t gay. He didn’t find men appealing or even remotely attractive. Sure, there were some men who Dean thought were handsome but they never made his heart stutter or his vision blur. He shook his head slightly, blaming the heat and the long car ride for his sudden deliriousness. He walked forward and stuck out his hand, cutting Ellen off with a simple statement.

“I’m Dean Winchester. Your newest musketeer.” Gabriel and Jo grinned at each other, clearly excited by Dean’s new found willingness. Castiel pulled his mouth into a mind boggling smile and shook his hand.

“It’s very nice to meet you, Dean.” His voice was rich and gravelly, deeper than chocolate and sex all at the same time. It sent a shiver down Dean’s spine. He felt arousal pooling in his gut and he snapped himself back into attention.

“Alright!” Gabriel clapped. “Introductions over, I’m starving!” He rubbed his hands together and looked at Ellen who was already making her way to the kitchen.

“We just ate, Gabriel!” Castiel exclaimed, his voice flushed with humor and disbelief.

“Hey, Cas, if the man says he’s hungry than he’s hungry.” Dean grinned but Cas’ expression had shifted into something else. “What?” Dean’s smile hung on. Jo skirted them and followed Gabe into the kitchen.

“You…uh, you called me Cas.” He stated. Dean nodded.

“Sorry, I nickname everyone. It’s a force of habit. Should I not call you-“

“I love it.” Cas exclaimed, his eyebrows raising. “Much better than ‘Cassie’ in my opinion.” He smiled. “Are you going to join us tonight? We usually play cards or something upstairs until its dark.”

Dean nodded. “I’d love to….after we eat.”

Cas laughed, his head tipping back slightly exposing his neck and throat. Dean’s fingers twitched. “You’re going to fit in here just fine.”

****

“So tell me about yourself, Dean.” Gabriel looked up from his plate of spaghetti. The four teenagers were perched on the barstools in the downstairs kitchen. Ellen and Bobby stood off to the side, drinking wine for one and whiskey for the other. “What do you like to do?”

Dean thought for a second before answering. People didn’t ask him this question much, he was the captain of the football team which meant partying and drinking and sleeping with different good-looking women. It was easy to be eighteen when nobody asked you to be anything but a serotype.

“Well…I’m the captain of my school’s football team. I’m the quarterback.” Gabe nodded.

“We must’ve played each other a lot then. I’m just the kicker but I do a damn good job at that.”

Dean nodded. “Last year your kick was what lost us the game. Most people on our campus hate you for that. Football is kind of big where I come from.”

Jo smiled. “Where you come from? Dean you’re like thirty five minutes from us. You act like it’s a whole other state.” Before he could retort, Castiel cut in.

“So, football. That’s cool, what else do you do?” He leaned down to suck on the straw protruding from his drink. Dean wracked his brain but couldn’t think of anything else. People back home didn’t ask much about his hobbies; usually it was his weight or how often he lifted. Dean shifted uncomfortably.

“Do you still play guitar?” Ellen asked from her perch on the counter top. She swiveled the glass of whiskey in her hand. “We still have your old one around here somewhere. You were so good at it…playing old Elvis songs and dancing around the kitchen in your boxer shorts.”

Cas chuckled into his drink. “I’d pay to see that.” He whispered, loud enough that only Dean could hear. Dean stiffened.

“Uh…no, I don’t. I saved up for awhile to buy a really nice acoustic one from a shop outside of Lawrence when I was fifteen but my dad pawned it after about three months. He needed money for the water bill.” The room was suddenly very quiet. Dean could hear his own heartbeat. “I think Sammy was more upset than I was…and that’s saying something.”

Gabe and Cas shared a look over their plates that Dean failed to miss. Ellen looked at her hands and Bobby sipped wine out of the deep glass. Jo, oblivious to the awkwardness, was ripping apart pieces of bread to get every last bite of the marinara sauce and pasta.

“Who is Sammy?” Cas asked quietly, no longer fiddling with his straw. Dean took a breath and smiled. He was good at talking about Sammy. He could do it for hours if he needed to.

“My little brother, he’s going to be a freshman this year. He’s a fuckin’ genius, let me tell you and the kid is huge, I’m talking Cas height maybe even taller and he never cuts his hair so its long enough to put in one of those freaky little buns.”

Gabe laughed. “He sounds cool, man, if all goes well we could have a sixth musketeer!”

The others branched off into another conversation, something about a movie Gabe had seen. Cas leaned in next to Dean, so close that their arms nearly pressed together. Dean felt the hairs on his neck stand up.

“You must miss your brother a lot?” Cas looked at him with big blue sympathetic eyes and a warm smile that seemed almost rare it was so genuine.

Dean sipped his soda and nodded, matching Cas’ perfect eyes shot for shot.

“You have no idea.”

****  
“I don’t get this game.” Jo announced, taking a sip of her mixed drink out of a red Solo cup. Gabe sighed and leaned back, wiping the perspiration from his beer out onto his jeans.

“It’s easy. You make three statements. Two truths and a lie and then pick someone to guess the lie. If they get it right, you chug. If not they chug. Here, Cas, you do a test run. Hit me.”

Cas looked up from his place opposite Dean, where he was sitting next to his older brother. His mixed drink, which was ninety percent alcohol, sat in front of him on the glass coffee table of the second floor living room, which was nearly identical to the downstairs.

Cas sighed and sat forward. “Alright, give me a second to think.” He shut his eyes but after just a few seconds he opened them again and looked right at Dean. “Okay, Dean, you’re up. Pick which one’s the lie.”

“Give me your best.” Dean said, taking a sip of his beer.

Cas smirked. “I once sold a drawing in exchange for weed.”

Dean raised his eyebrows. “Okay, that’s one.”

“I broke my leg skiing when I was twelve.”

Dean swallowed. “Two.”

Castiel leaned back; resting against the couch’s back, surveying his opponent with ease.  
“I’m gay.”

Dean’s eyes widened and took in Cas’ nonchalance. There’s no way. It had to be… “Three is a lie.” Gabe sucked in a breath that could’ve easily been a laugh.

“Rookie mistake, Dean. So sad to see it. So very sad.” He mock saluted Dean’s bewildered expression. When he turned back to Cas, the other boy was smiling.

“I’ve never been skiing in my damn life.”

Jo laughed, looking around the group of four with appreciation. Cas and Dean held each other’s stares.

‘Not once in your life?” Dean asked, cocking his eyebrow.

“Not even once.” Cas smirked again.

“Well…” Dean said, lifting up his beer. “I’ll fuckin’ drink to that.”

****


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please comment/kudo if you can (its the stuff I live for) any songs credited will show up in the notes on the bottom. Also not sure when the next chapter will be, with school and sports i havent had much time to write. Enjoy :)

“So you’re being respectful and helping out?” 

Sam sighed into the receiver. “Yes, Dean, I’m on my best behavior!”

Dean frowned. “You better be. I don’t want to get back home and have a thug for a little brother. You hear me?”

Sam laughed. “You act like I’m living with a convict! Randy is cool, we played Super Smash Bros yesterday and went skateboarding. How’s the beach? Are there any cute girls?”

Dean rubbed his forehead. “I’ve only been here a few days, Sammy, I haven’t even started my job. It’s been mostly drinking beer and getting settled in.”

“You didn’t answer my question! Are there any cute girls?” 

Dean swallowed hard, his cheeks flushing. Could he really tell Sammy what had been at the edges of his mind the last six days? He thought back over the past few mornings, eating breakfast with the other three teenagers, walking into town, getting ice cream and beer at night, staying up late getting to know each other. He cleared his throat and spoke quickly. 

“Yeah, actually there is this one…girl. Her name’s Cas. She’s really cool.”

Sam whistled. “You sound smitten. I haven’t heard that much embarrassment in your voice since you asked Lisa to Homecoming.” There was a pause and Sam spoke again, a bit softer this time. “Tell me about her.”

Dean held his breath. “She’s beautiful. Completely different then all the other people I’ve been with…she’s so unconventional and smart, I mean Cas talks like it’s reciting Shakespeare. She draws too, these amazing pictures. He promised to draw me when-“

“Wait, you just said ‘he’.”

Dean froze. “What?”

“You said ‘he promised to draw me’ not ‘she’” Sam paused. “Um…Dean?”

“Sorry!” Dean said quickly. “I was up drinking last night, I’m pretty tired and I start work tomorrow so I’m crazy nervous I guess it just slipped out, you know? I should just drink some water and maybe get Advil to clear my head.”

Sam laughed. “I get it, man. She seems awesome. Really, I’m happy for you.”

Dean gritted his teeth. That was too close. “Yeah, well, Dad wouldn’t approve.”

“Why is she, like, eleven?”

Dean leaned back in his chair. “No, Cas isn’t eleven…she’s just not like the other girls I’ve dated and I get the feeling Dad wouldn’t be open minded about it.”

“You must really like her, dude, I mean, it’s only been like a week and you’re already worrying what Dad would think!”

He scowled. “Shut up, bitch.”

“Jerk.” There was silence for a few seconds. “You know, Dad doesn’t always have to guide your choices. You can think for yourself.”

“Sammy.” Dean warned.

“No, Dean, don’t big brother me, you’ve always cared too much about what he thinks and I’m sick of seeing you miserable for his benefit, I mean, come on, when’s the last time you did something out of your comfort zone?”

“I’m spending my freaking summer in a town I’ve never even heard of.” Dean offered; his voice sharp.

“Yeah, cause Dad made you. And I don’t recall you putting up that much of a fight. I’m just saying-“

“I know what you’re saying, Sam.” Dean yelled. “But just because I didn’t want to keep Dad from a job in Maine doesn’t make me his little bitch boy.”

“I didn’t mean that!” Sam protested. “I just think maybe you should stop putting everyone in front of yourself and go after what makes you happy! Isn’t that what Mom would’ve wanted?”

“Do not bring her into this.” Dean’s voice was low and cold. “You don’t understand what it was like to lose her.”

Sam scoffed, clearly hurt. “She was my mom too, Dean. Just because I was a baby doesn’t mean that it didn’t suck just as much not having her. If you want to be pigeon held by Dad forever than that’s your own damn fault but I’m not going to be there to get you a beer when you let another great opportunity slip through your fingers. Goodbye, Dean.”

The dial tone pierced Dean’s ear and he cursed loudly, tossing the phone onto the bed in the guesthouse and flopping down beside it. He heard the door open but he didn’t look up.

“You okay? We heard yelling.” It was Castiel. Dean looked through the cracks of his fingers to see Cas leaning against the door frame, his eyes squinted and head tilted, a look Dean had come to know well.

He sat up slowly, rubbing his eyes. “I’m fine. Fought with Sammy, that’s all.” Cas nodded moving to sit next to him on the bed.

“Would you like to talk about it?” 

Dean shook his head but opened his mouth anyway. “Have you ever been really scared to admit something to yourself so you take out your frustration on someone else?”

Cas nodded. “Yes I have. What’s troubling you? Is it anything I can help with?”

He looked at his hands. Castiel’s knee was beside his, a few inches away from touching. “What if I’m not who I want to be? What if being in this town for just a few days gave me some unplanned wake up call and now I want to admit that I’m not….” Dean drifted off.

“Why are you so afraid to admit whatever it is that’s on your mind?” Cas looked at him with his big eyes. Dean couldn’t meet them.

“It means things would change. My whole life would change and I don’t know if I’m okay with it.”

Castiel shrugged and ran a hand through his hair. “Change can be a good thing. I remember the first summer I spent here everything was different. I meet so many new people and it got to be a bit overwhelming but I went back home when it was done and I realized I was a different person. A better one. I was more social, more active, I met Jo who is now my best friend and if I hadn’t had the courage to come here then, I wouldn’t be here now…and I wouldn’t have met you.” Dean looked at him. His eyes were serious.

“I’m not saying you shouldn’t be scared, because I know how scary change is. I’m saying that if there is something that could potentially open up a new horizon and make you grow even a little bit, you should try and come to terms with it. It might just change your life.”

Castiel looked across the room, towards the opposite wall. “How happy is the blameless vestal’s lot, the world forgetting, by the world forgot. Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind. Each prayer accepted, and each wish resigned.” He turned to Dean and grinned, the corners of his mouth turned up. “It’s a quote by Alexander Pope but that’s not where I know it from. It’s in my favorite movie, which coincidentally is called Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. We should watch that.”  
Dean was quiet for a second. We will. But tonight…Castiel, I need to step out of my comfort zone. Could you maybe help me with that?”  
Castiel full on grinned. “I cant. But my brother can.”  
****  
“One more shot, Dean! Just one more!” Gabe called and Jo whistled, throwing her own back and smiling. Dean groaned. It was nearly two AM and his shift started at nine the next morning. Gabe smiled and slid the small glass over to him. Dean obediently swallowed it and coughed loudly, eliciting a cheer from his two friends.

Once he and Castiel had left his little guest house in search of a party, Gabe had dragged them all out to a club on the side of town, flashing a charming smile and a fake ID at the bartender before ordering a round of shots…then another…then another. Dean was drunk and feeling much less angry than before. He made a mental note to thank Gabe for the illegal alcohol. 

He wiped his mouth, swiping his tongue out to his lips for the remaining vodka and grinned. His eyes wavered around the dimly lit dance club, landing finally on Castiel, who was in a booth near the back with another man who had one hand on his thigh and another in his hair. Dean felt a sharp pang in his stomach and immediately blamed the alcohol. Castiel wound his hands around the other man’s neck, visibly smiling through the kiss. Dean gritted his teeth.

“His name is Alastair.” Jo yelled into Dean’s ear over the bass. He looked at her questioningly and she tilted her head towards the couple. Dean looked from her face back to the booth and observed the two as they fervently made out. Alastair was tall and built with black hair and a strong, poignant jaw. Dean watched as his tongue darted into Cas’ mouth. He balled his hands into fists.

Jo put a hand on his arm. “Let’s take a walk, Dean.”

“Where’s Gabe?” Dean looked where Jo pointed and saw him dancing with a girl on the dance floor. He gave them thumbs up. Jo rolled her eyes and took Dean’s hand, leading him out the door.

Once out in the cool night air, Dean felt less nauseous. They walked in silence for awhile, still holding hands, till they made it to the water’s edge. Dean laid down his jacket and the pair sat watching the water roll in and out.

“What happened to Lisa?” Jo asked quietly, her eyes turning to Dean. Her friend bowed his head a bit, eyes still on the horizon. He didn’t answer for awhile but she waited patiently till he did.

“I met someone new.” It was barely a whisper. Jo saw him close his eyes and sigh. She reached over and hugged him around his waist.

“You don’t have to say it if you’re not ready.” Dean smiled lightly. Jo continued. “Castiel’s been hooking up with Alastair since last summer…but I don’t know why. He’s not a nice guy; he calls Castiel “Cassie” and gives him lots of hickeys even when Cas asks him not to. And there was one time…” She drifted off. Dean turned to her.

“What?”

“He came home with a sprained wrist and bruises on his side.” She shuddered. “He told me he fell off Alastair’s bike but I don’t think he was being honest.” She looked up at Dean with big blue eyes. “I worry about him sometimes. He’s got a good façade going but there’s so much more to him than good looks and good music taste. I remember when he was just Gabe’s little brother, the scared handsome rich kid who never said anything of import. He’s come so far…”

“You’d hate to see him be controlled by some dick in leather jeans.” Dean finished for her.

She smiled at him. “Exactly.”

****

Every time the diner’s front door opened, Dean would look up, waiting to see Castiel. They had scheduled their shifts so that Dean’s first was with Castiel and, unfortunately, Meg, the short brunette that smelled like cinnamon and a wicked tongue and little morals. She lived about twenty minutes from the diner in a house on the bay that had a porch nearly ten times the size of the Impala. She was rich and sarcastic but despite all that, Dean didn’t mind her. It didn’t take her long to realize that any mention of Castiel would earn her a sharp glare from Dean so she just shut up and picked up the extra tips without sharing.

Castiel was late. While Dean nursed his hangover and took orders from old couples and families on vacation, he surveyed the door, waiting for those blue eyes and tanned skin to walk through. After about an hour and a half, he did.

Dean was taking orders from a group of too-old woman in low cut tops when Castiel stumbled, literally, through the door. He stood only for a moment, surveying the crowded diner and then made a break for the kitchen. Dean excused himself with an apology and a wink that made the woman titter and he followed his friend into the other room.

Castiel was in the employee’s office, his back against the wall, shirt off, his old one on the floor and his work uniform in his hands. Dean recognized the crumpled up shirt. It was the same one from last night.

“Where the hell have you been?” Dean growled, watching as Castiel’s eyes flickered open. They were tired and bloodshot; it looked like from a mixture of crying and a lack of sleep. Cas slipped on his work shirt in silence. “Meg and I have been covering tables all morning, where were you?”

Castiel’s voice was even rougher than usual. “This will never happen again, Dean, I promise. I overslept and I wouldn’t have even-“

“You didn’t come home last night.” It wasn’t a question. Dean’s voice was low and dangerous. “I stayed up for a bit to see if you would but you didn’t. How could you be so irresponsible? I mean, you work like four days a week its not-“

Cas pushed himself off the wall and skirted past Dean, walking down the hallway, grabbing his notebook and apron as he went.

“Where the hell are you going?” Dean stepped out into the hallway, glaring at Cas’ back. He paused, turning around and looking at Dean with narrowed blue eyes,

“To do my fucking job, Dean. I don’t have to stand here and be lectured by some guy who barely knows me.” And just like that Cas turned and walked back out into the diner, leaving Dean fuming and confused by the door with a strange sense of jealousy whirling in his stomach.

The pair ignored each other for the rest of the day. When their job’s forced them to interact, they were icy and rude.

“Table six needs more water.” Cas looked at Dean as Meg stared on from her perch on the counter.

“Fine.” Dean grabbed the pitcher full of ice water and pushed pass Cas, walking out the door, his face expressionless.

“Brrr…” Meg smiled. “You lovers better warm it up if you guys want off Friday for the bonfire.”

Cas shifted his eyes from the door to her. “You invited him to the party?”

She laughed and tossed her long brown hair over her shoulder. “Of course I did. He’s gorgeous and I know at least one long legged maiden who would love to sink her teeth into him.” She walked up to Cas and leaned in, whispered devilishly in his ear. “You better watch out, Novak, or Anna will have him before you can.” Then with a smile and a wink, she strode off, leaving Castiel with a pit in his stomach.

A few hours later, when Cas was on break, Ellen came into the office. She smiled at him and patted his shoulder. “You feeling any better, kid?”

He looked up from his apple at her face. “What?”

“Dean said you weren’t feeling very well, too much to drink last night?” She grinned at his surprised expression. “He told us that you might be a little late. Next time ease up on the booze, okay, darling? I can’t have you slacking on the job.”

“Y-Yes, ma’am.” Cas stuttered before standing up slowly. “Excuse me; I have to go do something.”

He passed through the diner doors, searching for Dean’s face. He grabbed Meg’s arm as she walked past him.

“What the hell?” She squawked, balancing three trays on her hands.

“Where’s Dean?”

“Jesus, Cas, he’s on a smoke break outside.” He thanked her and rushed passed. “For fuck’s sake.” She mumbled, watching him leave.

Cas shut the screen door quietly walking across the deck to sit next to Dean. He watched the other man pull on his cigarette, his eyes drifting over the water.

“Since when do you smoke?” Cas asked. Dean grinned.

“I don’t, actually. Only when I’m stressed. Or pissed off.” He looked over at Castiel. “Or both.”

Cas nodded without speaking and looked in the opposite direction, towards the beach line. Dean sucked in on the cigarette and blew a white plume of smoke that dissipated into the salty air. He sighed.

“I’m sorry, Cas.” The words hung in the air. There was no need to explain his apology, Castiel understood. He looked sidelong at Dean and nodded.

“I am too. Thank you for covering for me. It’s just…” He shook his head. “Can I bum a cigarette?”

“Aren’t you a little young to be destroying your lungs?” Dean smirked and handed him one anyways. Cas thanked him and lit it with the lighter from his pocket. He sucked in expertly and held it in his lungs till it began to burn. 

He rested back on his elbows and looked up at the sky. It was afternoon, about three, and people still milled the beach. 

“I don’t mind it. I plan on dying young anyways, leaving behind a good-looking corpse. Not all…old and decayed while still alive.”

Dean laughed; ashing against the deck. “That’s a bit morbid, don’t you think? I mean what if you get married and have a family? Then what?”

Cas grinned. “You have to love someone enough to let them see you naked in the light before you could ever consider a life with them, even in your own head.” He looked at Dean. “I have never slept with someone I could love that much.”

“Alastair?” Dean said bitterly. Cas scoffed in reply but made no other retort. Dean finished his cigarette and checked his watch. Their break was nearly over. “You know, I have a motto too.”

“Tell me this motto, Dean Winchester.” He batted his eyes at the older man.

“Never be the chasing after type.”

Cas looked at him, narrowed his eyes and nodded slowly. The pair sat quietly as Castiel mulled it over. When Dean announced their break was over, they stood up. Before they headed back inside, Castiel grabbed Dean’s arm.

“I reject that theory.” He let his hand drop. “Loving someone means chasing after them, showing them yourself in the most vulnerable sense of the word. If you don’t show them they are worth fighting for then they’ll give up the fight. Am I wrong?”

Dean swallowed, looking into those ice-chip eyes. “No…you’re not wrong. I guess I’ve never had love like that. Nobody’s ever fought for me.”

“Well maybe that will change.” Cas declared and pushed past Dean, not looking over his shoulder as he resumed taking orders.

“Yeah.” Dean murmured; his head light. “Maybe it will.”

****

The boardwalk was Jo’s idea. She said that it would be fun, not childish, and since the beach party was fast approaching they had to go out and do something besides wait around and work. Her grin made the other four infectiously excited and through the early evening the day before the party, the five of them rode their bikes to the pier, where the carnival lights and giant rides make the place feel like a dream.

They paid their fee for tickets and excitedly wandered through the many games and food stands, rides and roller coasters that dotted the beach line. Gabe had bought along his girlfriend Kali and she was “oohing” and “aahing” at the towering drops that adorned the huge rides.

“We have to.” She declared, standing in front of the entrance to the ‘Great White’, a huge metal coaster with three loops and a dizzying drop. Dean saw Castiel swallow hard and almost go pale as his eyes followed the turns and corkscrews. “Please!” Kalli begged and Gabe laughed, following her into the line. Meg and Jo shrugged and ran after. Dean stayed with Cas as he saw the carts tip over the edge of the hill.

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to.” Dean smiled as Cas’ mouth hung slightly open, agape at the ridiculous height.

“What?” Dean smiled wider. Cas broke his concentration and looked over at Dean. “No…I want to. It’s just…woah.” He shook his head. “I want to. Come on.” He grabbed Dean’s arm, his mouth set and determined, and dragged him into line behind Meg and Jo. Dean felt his handprint on his shoulder long after Cas removed it.

They walked in mid-way through the group’s conversation. 

“It’s easy. Okay you hold up one hand and I say something that I’ve never done and if you’ve done it you put a finger down. So simple I promise.” Meg put her hand up and grinned, the other mimicking her actions.

“Never have I ever done any drug stronger than weed.” A man across from them in line with a small kid glared. Meg winked and he blushed, turning the other direction. Dean put a finger down, so did Kali, and surprisingly, Cas.

“Dean!” Jo exclaimed. “What did you do?”

He laughed. “Victor and I did acid back before junior year. Tripped our balls off and ended up on the school’s football field. What about you, Cas?”

He shrugged. “I did ecstasy a few times at a music festival last year. I have tickets to go again. We should road trip. Beside the point though. Gabe, you’re next?” 

He thought for a second before declaring, very loudly, “Never have I ever gotten it up the ass!” Jo laughed and tottered on her seat on the bar rail. Cas put a finger down, his cheeks burning, and so did Kali. To that Gabe grinned. “I said gotten it up the ass, not gave it.” Meg grinned and proudly put a finger down.

Dean blushed and racked his brain for something to say. “Uh…” He swallowed, looking around the circle. “Never have I ever kissed a guy.” He looked right at Cas as he said it and watched as Castiel’s eyes narrowed, his finger going down. He only had two left. Dean had four, Meg had three, Kali had two, Gabe had five, and Jo had four.

It was Jo’s turn. She thought for a moment, looking up to see how close they were. They were nearly at the ride so she hummed and ran a hand through her hair. “Never have I ever…” She drummed her fingers against the metal and looked sky-wards. Then, suddenly, she grinned. “…had a sex dream about someone in this group.”

It was quiet for a second. Kali shook her head and Gabe put a finger down, smirking at his girlfriend. She chuckled. Jo looked at Meg who rolled her eyes and put a finger down. Cas shrugged but didn’t put down a finger. Everyone looked at Dean.

“Well?” Meg said, holding up her two fingers.

Dean blushed and put down a finger. Jo giggled and Gabe whistled under his breath. “Well shit…”

“Who was it?” Kali asked; her question innocent.

Before Dean could make up an excuse, they were called forward into the ride. The small carts only fit two people. Kali and Gabe settled into one, leaving Cas and Dean to huddle into another. Dean noticed Castiel’s hands shaking as he buckled his seat belt.

“You okay?”

Cas nodded, his lips taught. Dean put a hand on his shoulder. Cas nodded again and Dean dropped his hand to his thigh. The pair sat quietly as the ride began to move up the hill…slowly…slowly.

Cas peered over the edge and saw the large pier shrink into dots and blurs. The ocean looked dark and vast in the setting sun, and the water looked black against the horizon. They neared the top.

“I don’t think I can do this.” Cas hissed through his teeth. Dean sat up straighter and put an arm around Cas’ shoulders. “I really don’t think I can do this Dean…just…I don’t know. Help me.” He looked around wildly.

Dean bit his lip and leaned in just as the front cart tipped over the edge. He moved closer and whispered in Castiel’s ear just as the rush of the wind began.

“You know that dream I admitted to?”

Cas nodded, his hands frozen in terror.

The cart pushed over the top and for a moment the whole park and beach and ocean was laid out in front of them like a giant picture. Cas’ eyes widened. Dean smiled at his fearful expression.

“It was about you.”

They dropped quickly and suddenly…but Castiel was no longer afraid.

****

“Did you love it, Cas?” Gabe grinned at his little brother’s shell-shocked expression. Cas just glared in reply.

Jo laughed and linked arms with the black haired boy, who was safely and deliberately ignoring Dean’s stare. “Maybe we should get some food before we go on anymore rides. If you’re up to it?” She smiled at him.

Cas sighed. ‘I’m fine! I want a milkshake.” And just like that he and Jo took the lead, leaving Dean to stare after him, his smile wavering with each step they took.

He listened half heartedly as Jo talked about the other rides and the group dished on co workers and customers. They ordered French fries and milkshakes as they sat on the boardwalk. He laughed along as Gabe did his impression of the horny old women who came in to get Bloody Mary’s and flirt with the waiters.

“…And I swear one of them almost got Dean’s number.” Gabe winked at the green eyed man. “If I hadn’t pulled him away they might be all tangled up in her one hundred year old sheets.”

Dean saw Cas stiffen and his eyes wandered away from the table down to the other people on the pier. His eyes narrowed. “Well you can’t deny she was quite a Betty.” Gabe grinned. “And she had the pretty blue eyes. I’m a sucker for blue eyes.”

Cas tightened his jaw. Before Dean could say anything else, their order number was called. Meg and Dean volunteered to go get the food, and the pair left the table with promises of paying the bill.

They waited at the counter as the order was put together. “You’re not very subtle, Dean.” Meg smiled, her lipstick painted mouth pulling back at the corners.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Dean distracted himself by fishing through his pockets for change, making sure not to look guilty.

“You know…” Meg said, leaning back against the table.” I was in love with him last summer. I thought he was straight and…he drew a picture of me. In the water. It was so beautiful and he was so…remarkable. I couldn’t help it. I was totally head over heels and I wasn’t the first person, guy or girl, to swoon at his every move. But Clarence has never looked at a single one of them the way he looks at you.”

Dean looked up, his eyes pained. Meg smiled. “Don’t worry. I know you’re the All-American dreamboat, you know, Mr. Prom King, I won’t tell him. But you should…you know before he gets the wrong idea.”

Dean looked at the linoleum counter, counting the stains from ketchup and grease. “You’re right, Meg. He is remarkable. He’s remarkable in a way I’m not. I mean, come on, it’s not like he’s looking for a project. He wants someone sure of himself and that’s…not me.” Dean paid for the food and walked away without letting Meg reply.

When they got back to the table, Castiel was gone.

“Where’s Clarence?” Meg asked, setting down the food.

Jo sighed. “He got a call from Alastair; he left to meet up with him. I guess it was really important.” She gave Dean a sympathetic frown.

“Is Alastair his boyfriend?” Kali asked, sipping her chocolate milkshake.

“No.” Gabe said fiercely. “I would die before I let that creep date my little brother.”

Meg sat down next to Dean. “What makes him a creep?”

“He’s always pushing Cas around, belittling him like some power-hungry fucker with a God-complex.” Gabe gnashed his teeth down on a French fry.

“So he sucks?”

“Yeah.” Dean interjected, looking at the empty seat across from him. “He really sucks.”

****

Castiel didn’t come home that night…or the next day. Bobby and Ellen moved around the three other kids with a sort of silent understanding, walking on eggshells whenever they entered a room. Meg dropped them off after the amusement park with a sympathetic wave and drove off towards the bay. Gabe walked Kali home, leaving Dean and Jo to sit on the back porch in silence. When Gabe returned he didn’t join them, instead he cast them a knowing, downcast look and retreated to his room.

Jo patted him on the shoulder and stood up to leave. She stopped at the door, looking back at him with serious eyes. “He’s done this before, Dean. Whatever it is he needs, I’m sure you two can work it out.”

Dean looked up at her and simply nodded. She didn’t smile as she opened the door and walked back into the house. Dean sat on the porch for awhile, till his watch read 1:36, then he got up and walked back into his cottage. The bed looked large and unbreachable so he moved past it into the kitchen where Ellen had laid his old guitar on the table. He had thanked her profusely but hadn’t had the will to pick it up; out of fear he had forgotten all of the thirty seven songs he knew. 

He ran his fingers down the lacquered side, smiling to himself as he did. He looked around the small cottage and wished that Sam had come with him. He missed his little brother, even if they were technically still fighting. Dean reached for his phone to call him but he knew it was too late, his brother liked to sleep early on Thursdays.

Grabbing his guitar and the key to the cottage, Dean left the little house and walked down the block, not really going in a certain direction till he was past the diner and on the beach. He sat quietly on the sand and rested his guitar next to him. There, he waited for a sign to pick it up again.

He checked his watch. It was 3:15 AM, luckily only Jo and Meg had work the next day so he didn’t have to worry if he overslept. He listened to the waves and closed his eyes, willing himself away from Cape May, to a beach somewhere warmer with less confusion and consequences.

“You think it’ll eventually play itself?” Dean turned around. Castiel was standing there in the same outfit he had worn to the amusement park, black shoes, black skinny jeans and a gray shirt. He held his maroon flannel in one arm with his hands in his pockets. Dean stared as he came and sat next to Dean, his glassy blue eyes looking out over the water.

“I’m afraid I forgot all the notes.” Cas nodded, his mouth in a thin line. Dean pulled his arms around himself. His long sleeved black shirt wasn’t doing a very good job of keeping him warm. Absently, he wondered if Castiel was cold. “Where have you been?” Cas threw him a sideways glance. “Look, man, I’m not judging, we were just all worried when you didn’t answer your phone.”

“It died while I was at Alastair’s.” Cas explained. “I just charged it when I got back.”

“Ah.” Dean nodded; his expression unreadable.

“I broke up with him.” Cas scooped some sand up into his palm and rubbed it down with his fingers. “Two days ago. When I was late for work…I broke up with him that morning.” He watched the grains roll from his hand. “He was cheating on me with a girl named Lilith and probably others. It wasn’t hard to put the pieces together.”

“So why were you with him tonight?” Dean turned to him, sitting cross-legged. Cas pulled his legs up to his chest.

“I don’t know. He called me…and asked me to go over. He said he just wanted to see me…to talk things out.”

“And did you?”

“There wasn’t much talking.” Cas said bitterly, tossing the sand back onto the beach. “Alastair…he isn’t good at taking no for an answer. He likes to be right and in control. That was fine in the beginning but I’m done with it now. He...I’m not very good at it.” He couldn’t meet Dean’s eyes. “At relationships. I try my best but I always seem to end up with the wrong person. Alastair was just one in a line of multiple bad guys. The trouble is I always go back to them.” Castiel laughed bitterly. “I would rather be with someone I hate than be alone.”

Dean looked down at the sand as Cas sat in silence, his speech done. Quietly, Dean reached behind him and picked up his guitar. He rested it in his lap, smaller than he had remembered, and began to pick at the strings until he remembered.

“My mom used to sing me a few songs before she put me to sleep…after she died my dad destroyed all our old cassettes and made damn sure he wouldn’t hear them again. They were the first songs I learned how to play.”

“Why?” Cas said, his eyes narrowing and head tipping like it always did.

Dean shrugged. “I needed her…there. For Sammy and for me. Just cause Sam didn’t have a mom didn’t mean he didn’t deserve mom things. I would sing them to him too and when I bought this we would sit on the porch of whatever crappy place we were staying at and play them over and over till we both committed everything to memory.”

Cas smiled. “That sounds nice.”

Dean nodded, his fingers playing out a melody he had known since he was little.

_“…I had a dream last night…I dreamt that I was swimming and the stars up above…directionless and drifting and somewhere in the dark…were the Sirens and thunder…around me as I swam the drifters who’d gone under…time, love, time…love…time, love…it’s only a change of time…”_

Dean’s voice was low and husky, out of practice and embarrassed but Castiel was fascinated, watching his lips move around every syllable like an easy prayer. He brushed a tear away from his cheek as Dean continued singing.

_“…I had a dream last night and rusting far below me…battered hulls and broken hardships…Leviathan and lonely…I was thirsty so I drank though it was salt water there’s something ‘bout the way…it tasted so familiar…”_

Dean played for a little while more, then he stopped and they sat in mutual silence, letting the beachy air wash over them. Eventually they both lay down and looked upwards, letting the waves lull them. Cas’ hand brush Dean’s between them and Dean linked their fingers.

“It’s so pretty here.” Cas whispered. “In Kansas, you can see more stars but it’s all gray, as if the world it sad.”

‘Of course it’s sad, it’s in Kansas.” Dean smirked and Cas laughed lightly.

“You hate it there?”

Dean shrugged, his eyes tracing the constellations that were visible. “It’s different there. I’m different there. I mean my friends back home aren’t…”

“Tolerant?” Cas offered.

“Understanding. They wouldn’t get…this.” He didn’t need to say anymore for Castiel to understand. “I mean I’m not sure I really get this. Any of it.”

“Me neither.” Cas whispered. Dean smiled and relaxed back into the sand. Cas rested his head on Dean shoulder and shut his eyes, letting the ocean drown out all his indecision and regret. He was here with an amazing guy who was holding his, completely sober and trusting. He didn’t want to mess this up. 

Cas turned slowly to look up at Dean, watching the other man’s breath come in and out slowly, he was asleep. His lashes were fanned out above his peaceful eyes, his lips parted slightly, just enough that no sound came out as his chest rose and fell. Cas swallowed hard against the growing doubt in his stomach and forced his eyes closed.

‘Maybe’ He thought ‘Tomorrow will be kinder.’

****

Dean blinked as he was jostled out of his sleep. It was still dark outside, the beach was cool from the lack of sun and Cas was sitting upright, looking out over the water. Dean got up on his elbows, unsure whether or not he was dreaming.

Cas was looking out at the water, his knees drawn up again, his phone pressed against his lips. There were tears running down his cheeks.

“Castiel…?” Dean whispered. Cas turned slowly.

“Go back to sleep, Dean.” It was more of a command than a request. Dean nodded, lying back in his original position, too tired to argue or wonder what was happening. His eyes slid shut, watching Cas sit almost perfectly still, his eyes tracing shadows over the rise and fall of the water. 

When he woke up the next morning, colors were painting the sky as he sun rose over the horizon. Dean shivered from the cold and sat upright. He was alone.

It was almost as if Castiel had never even been there in the first place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please kudos/comment your thoughts! thanks for reading  
> Change of Time - Josh Ritter


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long, junior year has been kicking my ass. Let me know what you guys think in the comments!

Dean walked in through the back door, his head aching; guitar in hand. Meg and Jo were sitting at the kitchen table in front of two matching bowls of fruit loops. They looked up when he came in, their eyes tired and dressed in work clothes. Meg frowned when she saw the guitar in his hands.

“Dean?” Jo said slowly. He was looking around the kitchen, lost.

“Have you guys seen Castiel? Is he upstairs?” Dean looked at them, pulling off his jacket.

“Dean…fuck, sit down, you’re covered in sand.” Jo stood and moved Dean into the barstool seat. He sat for a minute then got up again, pacing along the kitchen floor.

“Is he upstairs?” He repeated.

Meg looked at him coolly. “He’s not home. Hasn’t been here since yesterday after work. I went to see if maybe he snuck in during the night but he hasn’t. Dean…” She said slowly. “Did you see him?”

Dean nodded, swallowing hard. “He was on the beach…but I guess he left. He said he broke up with Alastair but that…”

“What?” Jo said, righting herself from leaning on the counter.

“He said that he has a bad habit of going back to the things that hurt him.” Dean looked up at Jo with big green eyes. Meg sighed audibly and the pair looked at her.

“Dean, I saw him this morning.” She shrugged at their surprised expressions. “He told me that he was going back to Alastair’s to get his things. He said that he would be back in and hour and if lover-boy here came home before he did to tell him not to worry.”

Jo grinned. “See, Dean, give him an hour and he’ll be back, it’s not like-“ Meg cut her off grimly.

“Jo, I saw him two and a half hours ago. If he did go to Alastair’s…it wasn’t just to grab a shirt.” She walked around the table and, surprisingly, enveloped Dean in a warm hug. “I’m sorry, Dean.”

He stepped back from her embrace, a slight frown on his face, otherwise impassive. “It’s okay. I think I’m going to go to bed now. Goodnight guys.”

“Goodnight, Dean.” Both watched as Dean walked to the cottage, turning the handle and slamming the white door behind him.

****

“Hello, Cassie.” Alastair smiled from the doorway, making Cas feel very small. Cas walked past him into the apartment’s dingy living room. He was so used to the stench of weed and ramen, usually it didn’t even make him flinch, but right now it was turning his stomach.

He didn’t know why he had left Dean on the beach. Alastair had texted him, pretty much demanding he walk over and Castiel cried, for no reason in particular. He thought that things would be different this summer, maybe he wouldn’t feel like a dog on a leash, but some things apparently never change.

“Why’d you text me, Alastair?” He cursed his voice for sounding so weak, cursed the sand pressed into his wrist, and cursed himself for having left such a good thing in favor of…this.

Alastair grinned evilly. “Cause I missed those pretty pouty lips of yours. Come on, Cassie, come to bed. It’s far too early to be up and about and I’m feeling a bit tense.”

Cas swallowed hard, drawing his eyes to the floor, filling with tears. “No.” He whispered. “I’m not going to bed with you.”

He advanced towards him, taller and scarier than before. He put a finger under Castiel’s chin and propped his face up to look at him. “And why is that?”

“I c-can’t. I can’t do this anymore, Alastair. I told you that before.”

Alastair nodded. “Yes you did. Before you jumped back in-between my sheets. Don’t be naïve, Castiel.” He grinned again, like a snake, and stepped back towards the bedroom. “Who’s going to love you if I’m not around?”

Cas blinked a few times, his vision blurry. Alastair didn’t wait for him to reply, he just walked back into his room, not bothering to shut the door.

“If you are going to leave,” Alastair called, “Make sure you take that silly little book of yours. It’s on the coffee table.” Cas looked to where the other man had directed. It was his sketchbook that he had been missing for days. He had bought it here while they got high one afternoon and left it.

Cas picked it up off the table and stared at it, taking in the familiarity of it’s cover. Then, with a sigh, he placed the book back where it was and headed into the bedroom, back to his own reality.

****

“Ready, Dean?” Gabe was leaning in the doorway of the cottage, dressed in navy shorts and a white v neck. He looked forcefully happy, if not utterly drained and Dean smiled at him vaguely, nodding his head. They were headed to the bonfire on the beach, a sort of traditional event for all the teenagers in Cape May. 

Dean and Gabe met up with Jo, Kali, and Meg, the five of them walked quietly to the party, a blatant spot in their line where Castiel should have been. They hadn’t seen him all day. He had left Dean on the beach and disappeared. 

Meg tried to lighten the mood, filling the sad silence with talk and gossip about the party, claiming it was near custom for someone to try and jump over the fire and everyone always goaded them on. She paused, searching her brain desperately to fill up the empty space.

“Dean…” She grinned at him, her eyes pallid. “There’s a girl here who wants to meet you. Her name is Anna. She’s…very pretty…” She drifted off, sighing to herself. “Maybe we all should just get plastered and see what happens.” She shook out her long brown hair.

They group made their way across the sand to the fire, littered with drunken kids. There was a space by the dunes where liquor bottles and kegs were half buried in the sand, spilling over with ice and plastic cups. Dean poured himself a beer and surveyed the crowd, taking in the girls in skimpy dresses and the boys with ravenous eyes. He gulped his drink down and picked up another. There was no way he was getting through this sober.

Meg came over, arm and arm with a tall red head. She had long hair and even longer legs that swept out beneath a skimpy green dress. Her makeup was heavy and dark, making Dean’s eyes search out the flecks of emerald there. He smiled at her. She grinned coyly back at him.

“Dean…this is Anna. Anna, this is my gorgeous friend Dean.”

Anna shook his hand daintily. “It’s nice to meet you. Meg said you were from Kansas, that’s wild. You must be so…out of your element here!” Dean turned to see Meg close and personal with some guy he didn’t know so he turned back to Anna.

“Yeah, something like that. I mean, it’s not all bad although it sucks my connections aren’t UPS accessible, you know?” He forced a laugh which faded at her confused expression. “It was a joke.” He explained, uncomfortable. “I, um, you know, haven’t been around long enough to find a good pot dealer.”

“Oh!” Her expression brightened. “I get mine from a guy around here, he’s a bit of a creep but he has good weed.” Anna smiled and looked around her. “His name is Alastair. I just saw him a few minutes ago but-“

Dean cut in. “Alastair? He’s here?”

Anna’s eyes widened at his urgent tone. “Yeah, he’s with his boyfriend. I think I saw them leaving for the Roadhouse. I don’t understand how Castiel puts up with him. I mean, Alastair looked mad as hell, but then again he always looked like a snake.”

Dean made a quick and pathetic excuse, plugging his number into her phone halfheartedly, before making a break for it, grabbing Jo and heading towards the darkened diner. There were a few words that Dean thought Alastair should hear.

****

“Never again, Castiel. Do you hear me?” Alastair turned on him, his eyes flaming. Castiel shrunk back against the counter, his eyes on the floor. He swallowed.

“I didn’t mean to-“

“Yes you did, you little shit. If you ever so much as go near Lilith again you will regret it.” Alastair glared at him.

Castiel looked back into his eyes, defeated. “You can’t be with her and with me, Alastair. S-She didn’t even know who I was…I thought you said you were finished with her.”

Alastair grabbed his arm tight and pulled him forward. “Sometimes you bore me…so she’s there when you don’t put out enough. But don’t worry; you can make it up to me.” 

Alastair pushed him back up against the counter, covering Castiel’s mouth with his own, his hands already working on undoing his pant’s zipper. Cas pushed against his chest, feeling a scream rising in his throat.

“Mm’ph…stop it…Alastair…” Cas pressed flat against his chest with both hands. He didn’t stop. Castiel heard the sound of a zipper going down and his vision got spotty.

“HEY!” Dean’s voice rang out through the darkened diner and Alastair was thrown off of him. Dean punched him square in the jaw, sending Alastair reeling backwards. Alastair got his balance back and connected a punch with Dean’s eyes before spitting blood onto the floor. Dean charged at him, pushing him against the wall and lifting him up by his throat.

“You stay away from him.” Dean’s voice was low and dangerous. “You keep away from Castiel or next time I won’t stop until you’re breathing through a tube. Is that clear?” He let Alastair crumple to the floor and watched him stand shakily, eyes lit up like a firework with anger. Dean stood between Alastair and Castiel, his body shielding him as Jo wrapped him up in her arms.

Dean growled. “I said…is that clear?”

Alastair smiled, his teeth painted red from the blood. “Crystal clear. Castiel’s things will be outside my building tomorrow morning. Oh…and Cassie, darling?” His eyes turned evil. “Once this faggot here realizes how completely useless you are…you have my number.” Dean stood his ground as Alastair limped out the door. 

“D-Dean…” Cas looked at him shakily. Dean was still staring at the door where Alastair had left. His face was already beginning to bruise but he was unflinching. After a few moments, he slowly turned away from the door, turning back to Castiel with a tired frown.

Jo stood, looking between the two of them. “Dean? Can you walk him home? I should tell the others that you guys left.” She excused herself, shooting a look over her shoulder before leaving. Dean nodded at her to go.

Cas slid down till he was sitting against the counter. Dean sat beside him.

“I never meant for this to happen.” Castiel said quietly. Dean nodded, wincing as he pressed finger to the bruise on his face. “I just...met you and you weren’t at all what I was expecting and then Alastair called me and…and I shouldn’t have left you on the beach. I should’ve asked you to come with me. I should’ve done a lot of things that I didn’t.”

Dean remained quiet, his eyes following the cracks in the painted wooden tables across from them, refusing to look to his right, worried that if he saw the boy next to him he wouldn’t be able to control himself.

“I’m sorry, Dean…” Cas continued, wiping his damp cheeks. He made a move to continue but Dean stopped him.

“You don’t have anything to apologize for.” Dean said. _Because it’s not your fault. Not yours. Never yours. Especially not yours._

Dean put his hand against Castiel’s cheek, smiling into the other boy’s blue eyes. Then, he got to his feet, shaky but determined, and offered a hand to Cas, who was still on the floor, looking up at him in confusion.

“What are you doing?” Cas whispered, his voice shaky.

“I’m going back to the house. And you’re coming with me. We are going to watch that stupid movie you love in the living room and we don’t have to talk about anything else besides that.” He pulled Castiel to his feet.

They were only a few inches apart, hands still clasped between them, helplessly. Dean smiled, barely even noticing the dull pain that came from his eyes. Cas searched his expression, looking for pity or anger or disgust but he found nothing but solid hopefulness and sheer love. Cas pulled his hand away, looking out towards where the bonfire was still burning.

“But…Dean, the party. You were so excited…” Dean shrugged and let his eyes drift back to the kids on the beach.

“There’ll be others. I think right now I would rather just go home and watch a movie with you than-“ He stopped as Castiel’s face broke out into a wide smile.

“What?” Castiel grinned and shook his head at Dean’s confusion.

“That’s the first time you’ve called this place home.”

Dean blinked a few times, the heaviness of the air just beginning to dawn on him. “Oh.” He said slowly, swallowing hard and shrugged lightly. “I guess it’s starting to feel that way to me.” He nodded at Castiel, his face set. “Let’s go home.”

****

Castiel fell asleep halfway through the movie, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Dean stayed up, watched it till the end with Cas’ head on his shoulder, and he could see why the other man loved it so much. Dean’s swallowed hard against the mounting tears as the love story played out.

It was about a man named Joel and a girl named Clementine. After their failed relationship ended they both decided to have their memories of the other person erased. Dean watched as they realized how much they wanted to hold onto their memories just as they were fading away. He watched as Joel clung desperately to his last memory of Clementine, a house on the beach where he met her, the memory itself failing as the roof caved in and it filled with sand.

Dean looked to his side, at Cas’ peaceful face. “Cas?” He whispered. There was no response.

“You have a good taste in movies.” Dean said, watching as they tried to resurrect one final memory. “I wish I could do that…to you.” Dean said allowed. He checked again to make sure Cas was asleep. Dean sighed.

“My life would be…so much easier if I had never met you. I could be with Lisa, playing football…I wouldn’t have to worry about work or time, I could just remain my typical, boring self. I mean…I didn’t mind boring. It was easy and I didn’t have to try so hard and nobody ever asked me to do or be anything else. sure, they never showed me good movies or took me on rollercoasters but my friends were good people…”

Dean saw the house collapse on the screen, watched the pair say goodbye, saw their memories ending, the final chapter beginning. His heart was pounding in his chest. Castiel slept on.

“I wasn’t happy. In Kansas, I had Sam and my dad and I was content but I wasn’t happy. I remember waking up one day and it wasn’t some shocking revelation that hit me full force when I was completely unprepared. It just kind of became a part of me, day after day, without anyone else noticing how miserable I was become on my own. And I wanted to be angry about it.” Dean blinked, unable to stop. “I wanted to be angry but I didn’t feel anything. But now…I don’t know. Now I have something to be happy about and I have this-this new part of me and I’m afraid that it’ll go away when this ends. And I’m afraid you’ll go away.”

The movie ended. Dean stared at the black screen, seeing a hazy reflection of him and Castiel in the blackness. He looked around him, looked around the beach house, things in all the thing he had never noticed before.

“I dont want this to end.” He whispered, unsure whether or not he could finish what he started. “I could die like this, right here and now because…I can’t go back to what I was before.” He turned , watching Cas’ eyelashes flutter in his sleep. “I’m so happy, Cas. Please don’t leave.” He leaned down, whispering in Castiel’ ear.

“I’m always going to love you more, aren’t I?”

He never got his answer.

****

“Good morning, sunshines!” Jo threw a pillow at the two boys laying on the couch. Dean groaned loudly and Castiel rubbed his eyes, bleary and bloodshot. Meg threw another pillow at Dean.

“What the hell is this?” Dean grumbled, finally sitting up straight. Cas looked sideways at him, noticing the small imprint of his hair on Dean’s cheek. They had…cuddled. On the couch. Cas blinked a few times in shock. He had never done that before.

“What’s going on is it’s a gorgeous day, early June, its six forty five AM and you have half an hour to get ready for the beach.” Jo smiled. “We are going to Madison Cove and getting some sun.”

The boys stood, Dean ventured to the kitchen for coffee, and Castiel got up to hug Jo and ensure her that, even after last night’s debacle, he was completely okay.

Meg and Dean were making coffee in the kitchen. Jo and Cas came in, sat at the small table, and listened to the pair’s conversation. Cas let his eyes wonder over Dean’s body, slowly and surely as he poured the water into the coffee machine and reached up to grab a filter from the top shelf. Cas saw a strip of pale skin peeking out from his shirt. He grinned, asking himself what it might taste like.

“You know, Anna was really smitten with you. She thought you were ‘mysterious and dreamy’” Meg laughed, winking his direction. “She nearly squealed when you gave her your number.” Cas stiffened, looking at his hands. He heard Dean laugh, but the boy gave no reply. A mug of steaming black coffee was placed in front of his hands. When Cas looked up, Dean winked.

“Okay.” Jo clapped her hands and smiled. “I am going to go get the bikes. It’s a far ride to Madison Cove but its going to be just us, the cliffs and the ocean. Oh, Dean? Pack sunscreen. You’ll be a bitch all week if you burn.” Dean rolled his eyes but cheered her with his grey coffee mug and left out the back door towards the cottage. Cas followed him to the steps, departing to go get ready himself. 

Castiel made his way into his bedroom, grabbing his bookbag and sketch book, with a few pencils and a ruler tucked neatly inside. He stripped naked and grabbed black boxers and some board shorts that were navy blue and white striped. Tugging them on, he grabbed a grey t-shirt from his top drawer and slid his sandals on. Running back to get his sunglasses, he was ready in six minutes flat.

Dean came out two minutes later in a white shirt and red bathing suit bottoms. His black Aviator sunglasses flaunted his perfect cheekbones, shiny with sunscreen, and his white teeth glittered when he flashed Castiel a grin.

Meg was waiting for them in small shorts and a pink bikini top. She wolf whistled in Dean’s direction and pushed her sunglasses up on her head, moving her dark brown hair off her face.

“Damn, Winchester. You never fail to surprise me.” Dean laughed and turned to pout his lips in her direction. Jo called from behind the cottage and they all moved to get their bikes. Meg didn’t mistake the hint of red in Castiel’s cheeks as he watched Dean walk away. She smiled to herself, thinking of a way to push him just enough over the edge.

Jo was in a black bikini and a blue t-shirt, gripping the handles of a mint green bike. Meg took her yellow one, and Cas’s was always the black one, leaving Dean with Gabe’s; a green one with silver handles.

The four mounted their bikes and raced each other down the street, watching their house fall back into the distance. It was nearly seven and Cape May was almost empty, apart from a few people walking around lazily in the morning sun.

“Why didn’t Gabe come with us?” Dean called up to Jo, who was leading the group, swerving on the sidewalk of the promenade. 

“He has to clean the diner then he and Kali are grabbing us all brunch and coming down. They should be there in a few hours.” Dean nodded as they turned off the road onto a dirt path, leading them away from the ocean. He peddled up to Cas.

“Where are we going? I mean, I thought Madison Cove was a beach?”

Cas shook his head. “Not quite. It is a beach but its off the reservoir. This girl Madison lived in the house next door last year and showed us this. She had found it with her boyfriend awhile back and named it after herself.”

“Sounds conceited.”

Cas shrugged, grinning as the air whisked around them. “Her dad owned the company that sells Advil. She wore a college tuition on both wrists. Anyway, it’s this small little beach with a cliff dive over it. You have to be looking for it to find it but we put up signs at the end of last summer so we know where we are going.” 

A few minute later, Jo filed them past a small wooden sign with a white arrow. They went down a hill with green grassy weeds and came out onto a dune that had sand as white as snow. Dean’s eyes widened as he got off his bike, leaving it where the sand couldn’t rust it and followed the others to the water’s edge.

Half the beach was shaded by a cliff that extended well over the water, towards a deep area where the water was calm but dark and deep. The other half was warm and the water was clean. Dean and Meg laid down a blanket as the other two went to feel the water.

Cas breathed in the warm salty air as the water lapped up against his shins. It was nice to be back in Cape May after a tough year, and he closed his eyes, swaying gently as the wind pushed him back and forth. He could hear his friends laughing behind him but he took a minute to himself, letting the last week leave his body, all the tension seeping out into the ocean’s water. He smiled and for the first time in a long time, he felt relaxed.

Cas turned around, looking at his three friends. Jo was laying out in a sunny patch of sand, her skin covered in tanning lotion. Meg and Dean were sitting on their blanket taking pictures on Meg’s cellphone. She leaned in close and kissed his cheek, tipping the corner of her lips closer to his own. Cas felt a heat rising in his stomach. Dean paused, letting her take the picture, then stood offering her a hand up which she graciously accepted, allowing him to pull her to her feet. Cas swallowed. He didn’t understand what he was jealous about, he knew Meg was a flirt, with guy and girls alike, but this time it seemed different. A little more…obvious.

The day passed by slowly. The group relaxed on the beach, passing around a bottle of cheap strawberry wine, Cas’s favorite, even though it was barely eight in the morning. once the bottle was empty, they went into the ocean and swam, laughing at each other when someone was hit hard by a wave an pulled under. Meg got on Dean’s back and buried her face in his neck, allowing him to push her into the water, giggling as she went Cas watched them from the shallower end of the water, seeing, instead of two of his best friends, two beautiful people who looked just as beautiful together. They were stunning and natural and…maybe that’s what Dean deserved. Natural.

Dean looked over at Castiel, watching him watch them, and smiled widely, turning Meg around in the water so that her feet grazed the surface, spraying up water in a rainbow of cool ocean water. Cas tilted his head, his expression grave and Dean laughed again. For the first time all summer, he hadn’t stopped to think about football or Lisa or his friends back home. For the first time in a long time, he was enjoying the right now.

A few hours later, the group was sprawled out on the blanket in the sand, eating food that Kali and Gabe had bought them and drinking their second bottle of wine. Gabe was telling the stories about Madison and Dean was laying down, his head resting on Meg’s thigh. When the bottle was in his hands, Cas drank a little extra, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand and looking out towards the ocean instead of what was in front of him.

“So, are you all going tonight?” Kali asked. The others nodded, smiling, but Dean was lost.

“Going where?”

Jo handed him the bottle of wine. “To a beach club on the bay. Madison’s family pretty much owns the place and its very exclusive. Tonight’s the night that her family books up the two ballrooms. The parents eat olives and socialize in one and the nine or ten of us that go usually get drunk in the other one.”

Dean nodded, passing the bottle up to Meg without drinking any. “Sounds fun. We all go together then? Seven o’clock at Bobby and Ellen’s, I can drive us over in my car.”

They nodded, Gabe made a joke about the exclusiveness of Dean’s Impala, and Kali finished off their other bottle of wine. Someone suggested going back into the water and Dean stood, scooping Meg up in his arms and carrying her across the beach. Jo followed, drunk off wine, spinning around with her arms outstretched, running towards the water and diving in, shrieking at the freezing temperature. Gabe and Kali followed, more slowly than the others, while Cas stayed behind. He pulled out his sketchbook and looked at the ones from this summer.

He flipped through them slowly, looking at his realism drawings, one after another. Gabe, Dean and Jo in a booth at the diner, laughing, with milkshakes and fries in front of each of them. Dean’s car, the Impala, from the viewpoint of Castiel’s bedroom, sitting pretty and huge in the driveway, waiting for its owner. Dean’s hands as he washed apples at the diner, the ring on his left hand and his bracelets and the apples all drawn and shadowed in. Cas traced the lines of his fingers, until they disappeared into the water, drawn in the diner’s sink. He flipped to the most recent one and stopped. He had just started it earlier that day on the beach.

It was Dean, asleep next to him from the previous night. His eyes were shut and his lips parted slightly. Castiel took out his pencil and sketched in Dean’s eyelashes, long and full, remembering how they fluttered when he breathed, how his teeth were barely visible from behind those lips. Cas swallowed hard and stopped drawing, staring at what was on the page. He wanted it to be something different suddenly, like the things he used to draw, birds and flowers and Jo’s eyes. Not this…boy. Cas shut the book, staring at the cover, wishing he could change what was inside without opening it up again.

“You okay, man? You looked lonely sitting here all by yourself.” Dean was standing over him. Cas squinted against the sun behind Dean’s head, nodding silently. Dean sat beside him, a slight smiling on his face as he watched his friends play in the water. Cas studied his face, the freckles more prominent today than they were last night. Maybe it was just the way the sun reflected off his skin.

Cas followed Dean’s eyes to where Meg and Kali were sitting in the sand, their legs drawn up in front of them, giggling and pointing towards Gabe. He winced, jealousy sneaking up his throat and pushing out his mouth.

“Shouldn’t you be with your girl?” Cas said, the bitterness in his voice cutting the warm air.

Dean looked sideways at him, the confusion obvious on his face. “My girl?” His eyes flickered back to Meg and then to Castiel’s eyes. “You don’t mean Meg…do you?”

“You two seem to be getting along.” Cas shrugged, his face emotionless, turning his eyes towards the ocean. Dean laughed loudly and Castiel’s stomach twisted at the harsh sound. “Glad that’s funny to you.”

Dean coughed, shaking his head, his smile betraying him. “No, no, I’m sorry its just absurd. I mean, Meg is-“

“Beautiful? Easy? A _girl_ ?” Cas spat the last word out in anger and Dean blinked at his sudden change in emotion.

“Cas.” Dean said softly.”Cas, look at me.” Cas gritted his jaw, looking away from Dean. “You’re not…jealous? Are you?” There was something in Dean’s voice that made Cas’ heart stutter and it felt like someone was squeezing him around his middle.

He stood quickly, grabbing his bag and shoving his sketchbook back into it. His throat felt tight and he could taste copper like blood in his mouth, like he always could before he started crying. He slung his bag over his shoulder and nodded quickly.

“Don’t be ridiculous. No, I’m not…no. I’m gonna go, I forgot I have a lot to get done before the party tonight…see you there…seven right?” He didn’t give Dean time to answer. “Great. Bye, Dean.” 

He waved goodbye to Jo and then got on his bike, peddling hard back to the road, veering away from Cape May back to another trail he had been on a few times with Jo. He followed it, still peddling furiously, till he reached the rock that stood on the sand by another stretch of beach. He threw his bike into the dune and sat beside it, burying his face in his hands, but no tears came. He sat there, biting his lip until he tasted blood, cursing himself for being foolish enough to believe a straight guy like Dean Winchester would ever change his mind.

****

 

Dean straightened his jacket in the mirror. He was wearing a black suit jacket, a soft gray stainless shirt and dark denim jeans, all picked out by Jo. He swallowed hard, smoothing down his jacket one more time.

The conversation on the beach was still ringing in his ears, bouncing around his skull, ricocheting in his mind, making him more and more nervous to see Castiel again.

Cas was jealous. In his defense, Dean had been fliting with Meg rather blatantly, something that in retrospect could have been extremely misleading, but he only did it to catch Castiel’s attention, there was no other reason for his romantic action.

There was a knock on his door and Meg peeked her head in. She was smiling. “Hey handsome.” She cooed. Dean stiffened like a board.

“Oh…um…hey, Meg.” She stepped in and Dean’s eyes widened. She was wearing a black dress with a dipping neck line, cut so short that Dean could see all the way up her thigh. Her black sheer tights did little to distract from her scandalous outfit. Dean shifted his eyes away, uncomfortable.

Meg laughed at his body language. “Relax, lover boy, I’ve played the jealousy game before. Did it work?” Dean’s eyes snapped to her face, laden with disbelief. She grinned coyly. “I’ve known since before you did, sweetheart. Don’t worry, you didn’t fool me.” She sat up proudly. “Besides, I’ve already got a boyfriend.”

Dean laughed and offered her hand up off the bed. “Fuck you, Meg.” She grinned cheekily, but before she could move Dean reached down and hugged her around her middle, pressing her against his chest in a soft, gentle way. She sucked in a breath, taken off guard by his compassion. “Thank you.” He whispered into her hair.

She swallowed, not used to having such strong, gentle arms around her. “Anytime, cowboy. Now come on…we have a party to crash.”

*****

Cas looked out the window of the backseat f the Impala as Jo directed Dean to the party. He and looked in the driver’s direction since he stepped out of the house, dressed in a navy shirt and a black and white tie, and he intended to remain that way throughout the evening. They pulled up to the party a little past seven thirty and walked in, admiring the fancy lobby and grand ballrooms. 

The parents, including Ellen and Bobby, were in the main ballroom down the hall, full of champagne in crystal glasses and real china served on pure white linens.

The children were in the smaller ballroom down the hall. Madison and her boyfriend had spiked the punch and sent the supervision to the pub down the road for the evening, meaning that seventeen bored teenagers had free reign over the dance floor and the mini bar. Cas, Dean, Meg, Jo, Gabe and Kali all walked in together, but within the hour they were separated. Gabe and Kali went to a hotel room on the fourth floor, rented out by Madison’s parents, and nobody had seen them since. Meg had found her boyfriend, a tall boy named Az who brought a bottle of tequila and a flask of something foul along with him. Castiel didn’t like him very much but Meg seemed happy so e gave her a thumbs up when she waved at him. In truth, Cas was more happy that she seemingly ditched her attempts at being with Dean.

Jo and Dean were taking shots at the bar with three girls Castiel barely knew. One of them was Anna. He sighed, walking away from the party to the balcony, overlooking the beach. He rested his arms on the rail and sipped his drink, a strong mix of vodka and something fruity. He considered going back inside, finding a boy who he had never really spoken to and flirting until he was dunk enough to make the mistake of kissing him, but he thought better of it. He knew that wouldn’t make him feel any better, and it was stupid to just get someone else involved in his own mess.

“Castiel?” He turned. It was Meg, smiling through her red lipstick at him. She smelled of strong alcohol and sweat but he wrapped an arm around her shoulders anyway when she joined him at the railing. Meg smiled and held his hand. “You might want to be careful, Clarence, wouldn’t want to give anyone the wrong idea.” She grinned. Cas stiffened.

“What do you mean?”

She shrugged. “I’m just saying that if we flirt shamelessly enough someone’s bound to notice…and you know as well as I do jealousy isn’t a good color on anyone.”

Cas removed his arm from her shoulder, looking at her face at it dawned on him.   
“You did that on purpose? You flirted with Dean on purpose?” she bit her lip coyly. “You knew it would drive me crazy. Why would you do that?”

“Some people just need a little push, Cas. You were almost there, just not close enough. And, just so we are clear, that boy was as oblivious as you were. He was probably pretending I was you the whole time. Oh, and look!” She peered over Castiel’s shoulder. “Here comes your unicorn now.”

Cas turned to see Dean walking out onto the veranda. He looked lost and shy. Cas’ heartbeat sped up a bit. Meg winked at him, turning to walk away. Cas grabbed her arm.

“I never told you why I drew that picture, Meg.” Cas held her hand. Meg smiled, her normally hard face looking calm and pretty in the darkening light. Castiel remembered his fifteen year old self getting weak in the knees over her, before he realized that his attractions were definitely misguided. “I loved you too, you know. I really did.” 

“Don’t worry, Clarence. I know.” A song came on, slow and sweet, Castiel vaguely recognized it. Meg turned and walked back towards the party, stopping to squeeze Dean’s hand.

Cas walked up to Dean, the liquor in his stomach coursing through him like liquid courage. Dean looked down at him with a grin. Cas swallowed hard.

“Do you want to dance, Dean?” 

****

Dean’s eyes widened. He hadn’t been expecting that. “Oh…um, yeah. I mean, well, I don’t really know how. To slowdance. I did in like…” He rubbed the back of his neck. “The sixth grade but it was all stiff arms and…sweaty palms…”

Cas nodded. “That’s okay. Jo and I took a dancing class last year. I’ll teach you. Do you want to be the top or the bottom?”

“What?” Dean sputtered. Cas stepped forward, grinning taking Dean’s hand and putting it on his waist, the other hand interlaced with his own.

“That was a joke. Relax. We can take it slow.” He rested his hand on Dean’s shoulder reaching to press his palm against Dean’s spine. Dean shivered under his touch, the hairs on his neck standing up. He tensed and let his eyes wander to Castiel’s elbow, focusing hard on maneuvering his body correctly. Cas tipped his head slightly, catching Dean’s attention again. Dean missteped and stumbles\d awkwardly forward, pressing himself flush against Cas for a moment, their faces close together. Dean pulled back quickly, mumbling an apology under his breath. He is nervous as hell and he isn’t sure why, maybe it’s the lopsided curve of Castiel’s lips, the wat his fingers re pressed into his skin, steading him, or maybe it’ the way Dean’s arm fit perfectly around his waist, as though it was made to be settled there.

Their eyes met and the movement was suddenly easier, rocking back and forth to the music in a rhythm. Cas was good at this, Dean could tell, and he wasn’t holding back anymore, slipping his hand down Dean’s neck, his eyes flickering down to his lips for a second too long. Dean smiled.

He wondered idly, between the beats of the music and the sound of blood in his ears, if dancing with Lisa would be half as incredible as this.

*****

The song ends and another begins, louder this time. Cas pulled away from Dean, missing the touch of his fingertips as soon as they left his skin. Dean stepped back, his eyes on the ground.

“Look, Cas, I should’ve done this way earlier so here goes… I’m sorry.” Dean could hear the people inside laughing, the ocean against the sand, all of it rung in his ears between the words. “I know you were just looking out for me…and you were right about Meg.” He laughed half-heartedly. “You were right about everything. I shouldn’t have accused you of being jealous.”

Cas flexed his jaw, looking into Dean’s eyes. “You didn’t really want to sleep with her, did you?”

Dean hears the music getting louder, his heartbeat in his ears straining against the sound. He narrows his eyes. “No…but why does that matter?”

Cas tilted his head in a familiar way, his mouth a line and his eyes squinted. His hands went out and grabbed Dean’s shirt, pulling him closer.

The music pounded around them, Dean’s mind racing with a thousand and one different sounds and emotions.

Cas smirked slightly. “Because I was jealous.”

He leaned in and Dean followed, closing the gap between their lips once and for all. They kissed, and kissed again, and the world went silent.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! please leave comments/kudos if you enjoy


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